We've received the preliminary results of the amnio and it indicates a trisomy on the 21st chromosome which is consistent with Down Syndrome. The final results rarely deviate from the preliminary results so now we know for sure, Scarlet has Down Syndrome. I'd love to say that I took the news gracefully, chin up but that would be a lie. I cried...a lot. I had any number of selfish, superficial thoughts about what this would mean for Scarlet, for Micha and I and for our family. Micha and I talked about all of the things we were thinking and feeling about this overwhelming news. He has taken the whole situation in stride. I can't imagine going through this with anyone else. By the end of the night, I felt better about what lie ahead for us. As I lay awake in bed, I started thinking about how we will tell Tay the news. I wanted to tailor my message so that it sounded positive while making sure she knew it was ok to feel however she felt about it. As I began to think of the things I might say, I realized I wasn't 'spinning' the news. The words that came to me are what I believe and feel.They sounded something like this: 'At the end of the day, we are still getting to bring home a new baby, a little sister who will still probably want her big sister to paint her nails and play Barbie's and watch princess movies with her. We're lucky because other than the problem with her stomach, she looks healthy and strong.' So strong in fact, she wears me out with all her kicking around! By the next morning, I felt better. As I grieved the picture in my mind of the baby I thought I was having and got used to the new picture that was forming, that feeling of excitement swept away all of the stress and sadness I'd been feeling for weeks.
Micha and I agreed that the worst part of telling people would be some of them feeling sorry for us. Although we know it would come from a place of love, it isn't like the cat died or losing a job or something. Scarlet's birthday will still be a joyous occasion. She's still the product of Micha and I's love and devotion to each other. And while we will certainly face different types of challenges raising her, we know that we have the support of our family and friends. In the meantime, we are redefining what our vision of our 'perfect' family looks like.