February 2nd, 2010
Today, I found out I was pregnant. This is number two for me and the first for my 'Spousal Equivalent.' Woo hoo! I'm so thrilled! What is Micha going to say?! He's working out of town so I'll have to wait until tomorrow to tell him. Tonight I'm going to bed with a big, fat grin on my face.
February 3rd, 2010
Micha is thrilled! When I told him, he was cycling between excited and freaked out and back to really excited. He'd giggle and say something like "You're going to big and pregnant" and then in the next breath he'd say stuff like "I gotta sell all my shit." He did tell me that at some point he's probably going to completely loose it; which is fine because I will too. Hopefully, it won't be the same day.
Oh breastfeeding!?!? Where do I even start? I know bf'ing is the best thing for baby and obviously I want to do the best thing. Really, how many people go into parenthood thinking "I'm going to raise my child and just always do the second or third best thing for them"? I tried to bf Tay, then at about 10 days she started screaming. Not crying, screaming. Screamy's ped said she was colic and I should cut anything out of my diet that might make her gassy. I was already nearly starving (I lost all my baby weight plus a lot). Screamy kept on screaming. So it went for two months, Screamy and I crying in my little two bedroom apartment. The neighbor called DFS. DFS came and, wearing Screamy, I explained that despite my best efforts, Screamy still screamed. I don't know how much of it he heard but I think he got a headache and left. Then one day I thought I had mastitis. I stopped bf'ing and switched to formula. Miraculously, Screamy stopped screaming and became the most pleasant, easy going baby I ever saw. I always attributed the colic to breastfeeding and swore that despite pressure from ANYBODY, I would never, NEVER put any future babies I might have through that again. Despite my vow, breast milk seems to still prevail over formula with regards to being the healthies for baby, so I resolved to educate myself. There isn't anything that supports my theory that bf'ing is linked to colic. Colic, I've decided, is Dr. speak for "I don't know what's wrong with your baby." So what went wrong? I have a new theory. 1) I had no support. My closest relative was my Dad who turns 20 shades of red at the mere mention of a boob. All the nurses were encouraging me to breastfeed but no one told me that it may not come easily but there are things that can be done to work it out. I had no idea that organizations like LLL even existed. 2) I had to return to work right away therefore; I started pumping. Not only that, but at work there was an old woman who kept bitching about how often and how long I was in the bathroom pumping, so I was always trying to hurry. 3) I wasn't even getting enough calories and protein to maintain a healthy weight. I think, looking back, I wasn't the only one who was starving. I think that despite the fact that Tay was getting enough to still grow, she wasn't really satisfied. I think, she was crying because she was still hungry. All the really high calorie milk comes at the end or nursing and I was rushing pumping so she might not have been getting what she really needed. So, I find myself resolved again to try, try my very hardest to bf this baby for as long as I can.
I hate everything, except chicken flavored Ramen, Sprite and for some strange reason grapes. Even my Grandmother's lasagna was a battle to finish. No actual puking, just queasiness. I am however, so bloated my pants don't fit and gassier than the Goodyear. Going poop is like trying to fit a square peg through a round hole. Not surprisingly, I have absolutely no libido. I would consider these all pretty minor discomforts; although if you ask Micha, he may not agree. I feel terrible about it because I know he takes it personally when we aren't intimate. He's being ultra-patient with me. I'm starting to have little bouts of melancholy and the dog is pissing me off more than usual. And I'm soooo tired. I can't get out of bed in the morning, I sleep in my car at lunch and the first thing I do when I get home is crawl into bed. I've always been a 'sleeper' but this is bone deep exhaustion.
No more appetite problems! In fact, I want to eat All. The. Time. Everything looks good, except fish. We had our first Dr visit. Micha was totally psyched about that. What guy wouldn't want o see a virtual stranger playing with his girlfriends boobs and poking around under the hood?! We got to see the baby, who was waving at us with tiny little hands. Of course, I was elated but it did make me realize just how much I missed out on with Tay; not knowing I was pregnant until half way through. Micha was excited and relieved. Everything was "perfect" (Dr. McFarland's favorite word). I've also had my first dream about having sex with Micha again which gives me hope that my libido hasn't completely died. I was starting to wonder if we should maybe have a memorial for it. I also had my first dream about the baby. I was holding this tiny little person, looking just like newborns look and then all of the sudden I was holding a baby that was more like 1 or 2 months old. I think it's my 'Mommy Spirit' reminding me that those first few weeks go by sooo quickly. I need to take in everything, smells, sounds, feelings and remember them.
My usual morning congestion has now been compounded by... du dun dun...seasonal allergies. Aaaahhh! The whole right side of my face is running. Last night, my contact jumped ship because it was drowning in my eyeball. My nose is bright red and raw. Normally, this is the one time of year when I'm perfectly ok with loading up on some over-the-counter remedies however; I am not ok with it now, particularly in the first trimester of my pregnancy. Also, my OB's office called yesterday. My labs came back and I have a bladder infection. Gee, there something new and different (sarcasm). They want me to take an antibiotic called Macrobid.
In April of 1998, I had just moved in with my Dad and was trying to figure out the direction of my life as a post-High School grad. I started having some discomfort in my lower back which I attributed to my job as a housekeeper. One night the pain was too much, I couldn't sleep and started crying. My Dad woke up and took me to the emergency room. I had a kidney infection but that wasn't all. I was pregnant. Impossible! There is a prerequisite for that sort of thing and I had not participated in such an act in over 4 months. Ah well I was 4 1/2 months pregnant so it was very possible, indeed. How, you ask, could I not have known I was pregnant for 4 1/2 months? Easy as 1, 2, 3. 1) I was on the pill. 2) I never had regular periods. I had, in fact, had what I thought was a period in January, weeks after the calculated conception date. 3) I attributed my morning sickness to stress. The nurse actually did snap something at me about weight gain. Weight gain?! Really? I've gained like 2 whole pounds and I don't know if you've noticed but I kinda needed those 2 pounds! (I was a little on the bean pole side.) Anyway, the Doc treated my kidney infection and I was put on an antibiotic for the rest of my pregnancy. Which antibiotic was it? You guessed it, Macrobid, thought to be perfectly safe for a woman to take during pregnancy.
Flash foward 11 years. I'm flipping through our newspaper a few months ago and low and behold I come across an article that catches my eye. Macrobid may not be safe for women to take during pregnancy. It was one of those times when I felt horrified and vilified all at the same time. For a few years now, I've been reluctant to take prescription or over-the-counter meds. I have a few reasons (if you haven't figured out by now, I really like making lists) a) I think most of our health problems can first be addressed by changing our lifestyles and diets. b) I'm not sure we know all of the side-affects for newer meds. c) I think we over medicate and as a result our immune systems don't get to work like they are supposed to. Needless to say, I told my OB's office that I preferred not to take anything and to try and get it cleared up by drinking more water and even suffering through a glass or two of cranberry juice. I looked further into Macrobid and found that they are now saying that it is only NOT safe for a woman to take in the last 2 to 4 weeks of pregnancy, so if I can't get the infection to clear up naturally, I'll revisit the option of taking the antibiotic. As for my allergies, I'll just have to suck it up for a couple weeks. I am going to look into getting some local honey. Micha told me one day that eating local honey will help prevent seasonal allergy symptoms.
I've spent the last two days in bed with some kind of bizarre flu. I had a fever and my whole body hurt but I didn't have any stomach trouble. I did however; only want to eat grilled cheese sandwiches. I think if I could get healthy, I'd feel pretty good. It seems like the extreme fatigue is starting to subside as well as all the whacked out gastronomical issues. People just don't appreciate regular bowel movements enough. Seriously! My pants actually fit better at 11 weeks than they did at 7 weeks. Weird!
Hello Sparkie! Finally feeling like myself again. My allergies are starting to subside and I have energy thanks to some much needed sunshine! And how much do I love grilled cheese sandwiches?! My 'bump' is starting to show so it's a good thing we are planning on telling the family this weekend. Micha and I are trying to come up with ways of sharing our news.
So we told Mumbles last night because we are stupid. The poor thing thought it was an April Fools joke! As we talked more about it she understood that we weren't pulling her leg. My first thought was "This is not going well" when she said she'd probably have more chores. As dinner went on though she seemed to get more excited about being a big sister and on the drive home she patted my belly and was saying 'Hi baby', who she now calls 'Mr. E'. This weekend is the big weekend and we decided for Micha's family we are going to color Easter eggs that will anounce the baby and for my family we are going to hand out birthday party invitations. Mumbles is super excited about helping us tell everyone and she is dying to tell her own friends.
The word is getting out! We told my family this weekend. Any time most of my family can get together, I'm usually overwhelmed by how much I love those crazy people! Mumbles handed out our "Party Invitations" after we'd all eaten and the reaction was priceless. Everyone kind of looked puzzled until my Mom said 'Are you serious?!' We nodded yes and she let out a squeal! She hugged Micha and hugged me. She was crying and laughing all at once and I could hear my sister in the other room, crying. She hugged me and asked me if I was feeling ok and hugged me some more. My Mom is typically a fairly reserve woman, even stoic at times, so her jubilation was a thrill for all of us. Sometimes we wonder why the people in our lives put up with so much shit from us. I know I've given my Mom more than a few gray hairs but I'm so happy to also be able to bring her so much joy. I love my close-knit, crazy family because we get to rejoice in each others joy. Micha's Mom, Jennifer's reaction was what I thought it would be. "I knew it!" She'd seen a psychic in Las Vegas who told her to expect a baby in the family. Crazy! 2009 was a rough year for her so hopefully, this is a sign that 2010 will be really a great year. Micha's Dad was funny too. I was carrying a basket of laundry down the stairs, he offered to carry it for me and I heard him tell Micha "Don't let her carry that laundry up and down the stairs!" Micha was a premie and Jennifer was worried about his brother early on, so I think that might be where the over-protectiveness comes from, but it's awfully sweet.