Junk Food Confessions

I really like YouTube Vlogger, Jenna Marbles. I feel like we could hang out. She's educated, I'm educated. She drinks and swears, I drink (well, not right now) and swear. She's kind of a spaz, I'm kind of a spaz. Anyway, when I saw her video Junk Food Confessions, I was inspired to do my own version. Now, ordinarily I try to eat pretty healthy. I like real food made by people not science food made by machines in factories but I have a real weakness for candy and, well, you'll see...

I made my husband go to the store for pickles and Twizzlers at, like, 9 at night. I then ate 3 pickles and a half a bag of Twizzlers. I'm talking the big bag.

For an entire week I stopped at Sonic everyday and ordered a banana shake. Sometimes I ordered tater tots with cheese or onion rings too but I always had a banana shake.

I stopped at McDonald's 3 times in 2 days for a McChicken with cheese and small french fries. At least one of those times, it was before dinner (which my husband cooks) so I pretended I didn't feel good because I was still full.

I Google searched images of disco fries and then stared at a picture of them for about 10 minutes.

One day after work, I ate pickles until my stomach hurt.

I purposely didn't eat before leaving the house, on more than one occasion, just so we'd have to go through the drive through somewhere.

I've eaten at Jimmy John's and Planet Sub despite warnings about deli meats and listeria.

We keep a candy dish in our office. I wiped out half of it in an afternoon.

One day for lunch, I went to Wendy's but I couldn't decide if I wanted a bacon cheese burger, fries, a lemonade and a frosty or chili, fries, a lemonade and a frosty so I just ordered all of them....and I ate them.

I hide candy from my kids all. the. time

I crave champagne. 

Something my husband made for dinner didn't sound that good to me so I had him make me Ramen noodles and a grilled cheese sandwich.

I ate half a jar of peanut butter, one spoonful at a time. 

I wake my husband up on Saturdays and Sundays so he will make me breakfast even though I'm perfectly capable of making it myself.

I spent entire weekends in bed, so if no one was around to help with Charlie, I'd let him eat in bed with me. On more than one occasion, I found candy or chips in the bed....and I ate them.

I feel like this explains why the majority of my pregnancy weight gain so far has been in my ass. In case you were wondering, at the close of my 1st trimester I started feeling much better. I'm now craving fresh veggies....and candy. Also, the swelling in my fingers and feet from all the excess sodium has gone down so I can wear my wedding ring and shoes.

Big Announcement

So here's how we decided to announce our big news.We had a very gracious friend come over and take some photos for us. We had a few 'announcement' shots and she'd taken a few randoms of the kids. We had a few different poses developed and gave grandparents and great-grandparents each a few, as though they were just shots of the kids we wanted to share. As they flipped through the pictures and got to the 'announcement' photos, it was fun to see the wheels start turning and their reactions. Then we posted the shots on Facebook to share our good news with everyone else!

Dream A Little Dream

10 Weeks 

I just want to say for the record, rarely do I question God's judgement. I frequently question man's judgment but rarely God's. Lately though, I've decided that there are a couple of design flaws I feel I need to point out:

1) Putting the uterus directly above the bladder. Really? I feel this is some kind of cosmic prank that God never tires of.

2) Making it impossible to sleep for 9 months so that when the baby who will invariably keep you up all night arrives, sleep deprived becomes an understatement. Rather than being awoken 3 times a night to pee (see flaw #1) or just being unable to get comfortable, shouldn't a pregnant woman be sleeping like rock? And why can't sleep be like fat that we can store up so we have reserves to pull from when the baby actually arrives and decides to cluster feed between the hours of 2am and 6am? And what is with the crazy dreams?

Speaking of which, a few nights ago I was plagued by some of those insane pregnancy induced dreams.

Dream #1

This one requires a little back story. A few months ago we adopted a Boston Terrier who's deaf. His name was Rocky and although he's a terrific dog, he wasn't OUR terrific dog. We found another home for him with people who had experience with a hearing impaired dog and the time and energy he really needed. So in my dream, Rocky suddenly showed back up at our house. He was sick and his leg was hurt and Micha was out of town but had forgotten his phone and because Charlie frequently deletes the message icon on his phone, I couldn't find the woman's number to call her.

Dream #2

A woman I had been friends with in high school gotten eaten by a shark.Ranae if you are reading this, stay out of the ocean.

and worst of all Dream #3

I dreamt there was something wrong with the baby. I dreamt I was bleeding and in the emergency room with Micha and my doctor's nurse was trying to figure out what was wrong. In my dream, I explained to God that I couldn't loose my baby. I just couldn't. I know it happens and women survive it and they go on but I'm not as strong as they are. I explained how I knew my other children would need me and I wouldn't want to let them down but that's what would happen. Couldn't He see? There just couldn't be anything wrong with my baby.

After the last dream, I just gave up on sleeping for the rest of the night and watched infomercials and ate cereal and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (yes, plural sandwiches). 

Poop on a Stick

You know how they say that after the first pregnancy things start happening earlier in subsequent pregnancies? Your pants get a little snugger a little sooner than the first time, your boobs are tender in week 5 or 6 instead of week 6 or 7 like the first time around. It's true. I figured out I was pregnant at 5 weeks and immediately had to pee. The cravings started right after that. One day, I wanted fries but not just fries, awesome fries. Chili fries. No, not chili fries, disco fries which I've never had before in my life. I Googled where in the KC Metro area I might get disco fries and then Googled pictures of them. (In case you're wondering Houlihan's makes them.) So here I am in week 6 and I feel like poop on a stick. With Charlie I found that if I ate something high in protein first thing in the morning, I could keep from feeling nauseous all day. Not so this time. I take a medication which has to be taken on an empty stomach and I have to wait 30 minutes to eat after I've taken it. This is the equivalent of poking my angry bear appetite with a stick and does nothing to quell the waves of nausea that have turned my morning routine into a battle of wills between me and my gag reflex. Then there are the matters of texture and smell. The idea of having to chew is nauseating all by itself, let alone the smell of food. If I could live on strictly banana milkshakes right now, I would. My dear sweet husband and resident chef, in his best attempts to be sympathetic and helpful, asks me what I might want to eat and then begins to list all of the things he could make. The longer the list, the queazier I get. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, I never do throw up although sometimes I feel it might give me some relief if I did. On a scale of glowing fertility goddess to living dead girl, I feel pale and sickly.

The other problem we find we're having is keeping our big secret under wraps until we're ready to announce it (11 or 12 weeks). I know how difficult it can be to "untell" people in the event of a miscarriage. Still it's difficult when my absence has been noted at what has become a weekly gathering in our neighborhood, which has more to do with the weather and fatigue than my being pregnant. Questions are arising about my sudden abstinence from alcohol. This, of course, has led me to questioning my previous alcohol consumption, specifically the quantities and frequency but I digress. Also, I had begun a 5-day-a-week regime of going to the gym with a neighbor which at this point seems more like punishment than a health benefit. At any rate, I'm pretty excited about the big reveal.You can see how we announced Charlie's pending arrival here scroll to week 13. Thanks to Pinterest I have tons of ideas about how to go about it this time.

Here We Go Again

January 8th- I am a week late. I've been carefully tracking my cycle since it returned after Charlie but as my  doctor pointed out, it's not very consistent so it's hard to predict my ovulation. Still, a week is a long time for me to be late. I stop on the way home from work to pick up a test and take it as soon as I can. Almost instantly, I have two blue lines. Micha and I both knew we wanted another but I wanted to wait just a few more months before trying again. The end of 2012 was financially turbulent for us and I wanted to make certain we'd made a full recovery before we had another baby. Charlie was a surprise but we felt as prepared as parents can feel. With this baby we will outgrow our family vehicle and our home. We'd no longer have a ready baby sitter, as I feel it's far to much to ask Taylor to watch a toddler and an infant. Still, I'm pretty excited and have what I'm sure is the most ridiculous grin on my face when Micha comes home from work. Here we go again!

Epi-blog-ue

Looking at Charlie's birth in retrospect, I think it was wonderful and vastly different from Mumble's birth. I do sometimes wish that I had not gotten the epidural, other times I'm glad I did. It was on my terms, rather than because the hospital staff was trying to 'move things along' and gave me Pitocin. Being able to own that decision makes a big difference in how I feel about it. A few days after we brought Charlie home, I broke down about it to Micha. He feels some guilt because he felt like he let me down as the 'coach'. He said 'Well, can you hold Charlie and eat a bunch of chocolate?' He was partially joking but it's his way of saying 'I don't understand, but I don't want you to be upset.' Oddly enough he said, "Well next time maybe we can do it at home." This from the guy who, when I mentioned home birth, said "Why would anyone do that? That is crazy!" He was actually a really good partner, considering the fact that he was really not prepared. That might be the one part of this hospital birth experience that I was the most disappointed with. We took a child birth prep class and the majority of the time, the instructor talked about surgical births, worst case scenarios and her own child birth experiences. She spent an inordinate amount of time showing the various positions that the bed can be converted to (I've had labors shorter than the time it took her to demonstrate!) Very little time was spent on a normal, vaginal delivery or on how to cope with labor and how to support labor. In fact, Micha was very surprised when he was told to hold my leg and there wasn't a sheet covering my lower extremities like in the movies.

Charlie is two weeks old and we are still trying to figure each other out. Breastfeeding is presenting some challenges, as I suppose it does for everyone. Charlie 'cluster feeds' between the hours of 1am and 3 or sometimes 5am. Basically, he nurses non-stop, only pausing to be burped or changed or to switch sides. Compounding the lack of sleep and the sand paper nipples is the fact that Charlie is a 0 to 60 in 3 seconds baby. What I mean is, if Charlie's need isn't met in 3 seconds or less, he has a full-blown nuclear melt down. Also he is not crazy about the pacifier. The hospital sent one home with us which Lily the Destroyer promptly ate. My Mom had given me a variety of different ones knowing that babies can sometimes be particular about which pacifier they will take. Charlie didn't like any of them. The only one he liked was the one the hospital sent home, the one we couldn't find in any store and the one we didn't know the manufacturer of. Through Facebook, I did find out who the vendor was and ordered 7 more but my nipples, which had nearly healed, were starting to feel like sandpaper again. The lanolin and the soothies weren't helping any more and I was crying through night time feedings. This prompted Micha to make a 3:30 am trip to the ER to beg the hospital staff for another one while we waited for the one's I ordered to arrive.

I was having a conversation with a friend who took Charlie's newborn photos and she made the comment she felt like she was better at motherhood when she was 'too young'. She also had her first child at 19 and said she never thought about it, she just did it. I feel the exact same way. When Mumbles was born, I just did what needed to be done, I never considered the lack of sleep or the time it took heal up. With the exception of some anxiety post-partum was not even part of my vocabulary. Now I cry...a lot. I cry because I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, or because I'm tired or because my boobs hurt. I cry because I'm happy or I'm looking at Charlie while he sleeps and he is just so perfect. I cry because Micha is traveling or because I resent him for being able to sleep when I can't. And then Charlie makes a funny face or noise and I'm smiling and laughing.


I'm starting a new blog for the next chapter of my life: Charles in Charge

Charlie's Birth Story

October 4th- My Mom's birthday, naturally with my due date being so close and Mumbles having been a little early, we've all mused about the possibility of Charlie and Mom sharing birthdays. After all the nonsense with the insurance and a couple false alarms, I had pretty much resolved to stop thinking about it. The truth was, I wasn't ready to not be pregnant anymore. I loved being pregnant and I didn't feel miserable like a lot of women do toward the end. Of course I was excited to see and hold my baby but I knew I would miss feeling him kick and the sense that as long as he was in there, he would be safe and happy. Once he was out in the world, he'd feel cold and hunger and loneliness. There would be times when he'd cry and I wouldn't know immediately how to help him. I always hated when Mumbles cried. Still do.
At any rate, it was a Monday not much different than any other Monday. I snapped a quick picture of myself in the bathroom mirror before leaving for what would be another boring day at the office. While I was at work, I decided to re-read the amazing birth stories of a few women who'd shared them via Facebook. For whatever reason, the stories of two sisters stuck out in my mind, specifically, the fact that they both felt 'crampy' right before their labors began.
After dinner, Micha and I took the dogs on a long walk. Truthfully, most walks any further than a couple blocks were long considering my need to be in close proximity to a bathroom at all times. On our way back, I felt 'crampy'. Not wanting to read too much into it only to be another false alarm, I blew it off. I thought to myself 'I'm looking for it because I read Kim and Kristin's birth stories.' I didn't think much more about it and went to bed. I woke up the usual five times to go to the bathroom, each time feeling 'crampy' but again I thought to myself that it was just because my bladder was full.

October 5th- When my alarm went off at 5:30 am, I woke up still feeling crampy. The cramps always went away but I didn't want to drive all the way into to work, only to have to turn around. I sent my boss a text message saying it was too early to tell but I thought I might be in labor but that I would be in later if I wasn't. I woke Micha up and told him I thought I was really close. Mumbles got on her bus like usual. I called my Mom and gave her kind of the 'please stand by'. I timed three contractions and they were about eight minutes apart. I called my Mom back. She's about three hours from us and I wanted her to have plenty of time to get here. Micha made me a good, stick-to-your-ribs breakfast: Malt-O-Meal and two eggs and then ran me a warm bath. I soaked in the tub while he loaded the car, put more air in my exercise ball, installed the car seat and packed his own bag. I felt pretty good in the tub and then I got out. I got dressed and tried to make sure I had everything but the contractions felt like they were coming very quickly and they were definitely more painful. I'd get down on all fours or lean over my ball and breath through them. We decided we should time a couple more. They were about 5 to 6 minutes apart. Micha called the doctor's office and they told him we should go ahead and come in. Micha was ready to go, I however; did not want to leave my bedroom. I wanted to get back in my bath tub and stay there. Getting into the car for the 15 minute ride to the hospital was the last place I wanted to be. I started to feel overwhelmed and I told Micha it hurt too much and I wanted the epidural. He said he didn't blame me and let's get in the car to which I shook my head 'no'. We did finally make it to the car and out the drive way but we had to stop after a couple blocks because I was pretty sure I was going to throw up. The idea of puking terrified me. I was pretty sure it was going to hurt so I didn't. I knew I had to do something to get on top of my contractions so I started listening to one of my meditations on my iPhone. By the time we got to the interstate, I was starting to feel more in control.
We arrived at the hospital and a very nice but ill-informed volunteer wheeled me up to the 5th floor but sent Micha to patient registration (which we'd already done). I tried not to be rude but she kept talking to me and I was feeling less than social. We got to my room and my nurse Kerri was extremely helpful. She didn't bother me while I was contracting and kept telling me I was doing great. Poor Micha was running through the hospital getting forms for me to sign. It seemed like he was gone forever and I still had to be hooked up to the monitors for 15 to 20 minutes. I didn't want to lay down so I sat in the rocker but every contraction made me want to rip off the monitors and throw them in the toilet. I wanted to be on all fours or in the tub or anywhere but that damn chair. Micha asked Kerri how dilated I was and she said about 5 or 6 and my contractions where about 2 minutes apart. The phlebotomist came to take my blood and asked me about my name. I didn't answer. I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to listen to my relaxation meditation on my phone, which rang in the middle of a contraction. It was my best friend. I told Micha to deal with her. I was getting overwhelmed again and couldn't get on top of my contractions. I felt out of control. I was having these little contractions between contractions, making it impossible to get caught up. When Micha said I might not need the epidural after all, I said I wanted it. Kerri started IV fluids and my Mom arrived shortly after.

Once I had the epidural, I had to stay in bed. I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's with no sound, and chatted with my Mom and Micha. It took quite awhile for Charlie to get himself in just the right spot which actually turned out to be good because Dr. MacFarlane was with another patient (maybe an emergency?) He did come in to check me and when he did my water broke. It was still quite some time before it was time to start pushing. Kerri helped me get Charlie down most of the way and then called Dr MacFarlane...and got his voice mail! I could tell Micha was starting to get nervous but Mom and I stayed calm and it wasn't long and the Doctor arrived. I honestly don't remember his presence there, just the sound of my mother's voice encouraging me to either push or breath and the song on my iPhone (I'd left one of my ear buds in). Charlie arrived to "I Can't Help Falling in Love" as sung by Micheal Buble, which I think is totally appropriate. Then I heard her say she could see his head so I reached down to feel, no hair (and I had all that heartburn!) I probably only pushed for half an hour. Time does something funny when you are in labor. It either stands still or it flies by. It seemed like my Mom got to the hospital amazingly quickly while it seemed like Micha was gone for ever. Pushing seemed to take just a few moments. I hadn't had enough of the epidural to make me completely numb. I still felt my contractions and I still felt Charlie moving through me, it just didn't register as pain, just a sensation. I could see his head and I knew it wasn't the right color but I just kept focusing on what my Mom was saying and then he was out. He was blue from the umbilical cord being wrapped around him but they put him on my abdomen and started rubbing him with a towel. He looked surprised and then he let out a cry. After a couple minutes I heard the nurse say "I like that color much better." Charlie had 'pinked' up and looked perfect. I looked up at Micha and he was fighting back tears (my Mom and sister had a bet over whether or not he would cry). I watched while they clamped the cord and showed Micha what to do. Dr. MacFarlane stitched me up, told us we did great and congratulated us and left. The nurses went shortly after that and then it was just us for a little while. I'm sure there was other stuff going on in the world at 5:02 pm on October 5th but I wouldn't have known it.