Charlie's Birth Story

October 4th- My Mom's birthday, naturally with my due date being so close and Mumbles having been a little early, we've all mused about the possibility of Charlie and Mom sharing birthdays. After all the nonsense with the insurance and a couple false alarms, I had pretty much resolved to stop thinking about it. The truth was, I wasn't ready to not be pregnant anymore. I loved being pregnant and I didn't feel miserable like a lot of women do toward the end. Of course I was excited to see and hold my baby but I knew I would miss feeling him kick and the sense that as long as he was in there, he would be safe and happy. Once he was out in the world, he'd feel cold and hunger and loneliness. There would be times when he'd cry and I wouldn't know immediately how to help him. I always hated when Mumbles cried. Still do.
At any rate, it was a Monday not much different than any other Monday. I snapped a quick picture of myself in the bathroom mirror before leaving for what would be another boring day at the office. While I was at work, I decided to re-read the amazing birth stories of a few women who'd shared them via Facebook. For whatever reason, the stories of two sisters stuck out in my mind, specifically, the fact that they both felt 'crampy' right before their labors began.
After dinner, Micha and I took the dogs on a long walk. Truthfully, most walks any further than a couple blocks were long considering my need to be in close proximity to a bathroom at all times. On our way back, I felt 'crampy'. Not wanting to read too much into it only to be another false alarm, I blew it off. I thought to myself 'I'm looking for it because I read Kim and Kristin's birth stories.' I didn't think much more about it and went to bed. I woke up the usual five times to go to the bathroom, each time feeling 'crampy' but again I thought to myself that it was just because my bladder was full.

October 5th- When my alarm went off at 5:30 am, I woke up still feeling crampy. The cramps always went away but I didn't want to drive all the way into to work, only to have to turn around. I sent my boss a text message saying it was too early to tell but I thought I might be in labor but that I would be in later if I wasn't. I woke Micha up and told him I thought I was really close. Mumbles got on her bus like usual. I called my Mom and gave her kind of the 'please stand by'. I timed three contractions and they were about eight minutes apart. I called my Mom back. She's about three hours from us and I wanted her to have plenty of time to get here. Micha made me a good, stick-to-your-ribs breakfast: Malt-O-Meal and two eggs and then ran me a warm bath. I soaked in the tub while he loaded the car, put more air in my exercise ball, installed the car seat and packed his own bag. I felt pretty good in the tub and then I got out. I got dressed and tried to make sure I had everything but the contractions felt like they were coming very quickly and they were definitely more painful. I'd get down on all fours or lean over my ball and breath through them. We decided we should time a couple more. They were about 5 to 6 minutes apart. Micha called the doctor's office and they told him we should go ahead and come in. Micha was ready to go, I however; did not want to leave my bedroom. I wanted to get back in my bath tub and stay there. Getting into the car for the 15 minute ride to the hospital was the last place I wanted to be. I started to feel overwhelmed and I told Micha it hurt too much and I wanted the epidural. He said he didn't blame me and let's get in the car to which I shook my head 'no'. We did finally make it to the car and out the drive way but we had to stop after a couple blocks because I was pretty sure I was going to throw up. The idea of puking terrified me. I was pretty sure it was going to hurt so I didn't. I knew I had to do something to get on top of my contractions so I started listening to one of my meditations on my iPhone. By the time we got to the interstate, I was starting to feel more in control.
We arrived at the hospital and a very nice but ill-informed volunteer wheeled me up to the 5th floor but sent Micha to patient registration (which we'd already done). I tried not to be rude but she kept talking to me and I was feeling less than social. We got to my room and my nurse Kerri was extremely helpful. She didn't bother me while I was contracting and kept telling me I was doing great. Poor Micha was running through the hospital getting forms for me to sign. It seemed like he was gone forever and I still had to be hooked up to the monitors for 15 to 20 minutes. I didn't want to lay down so I sat in the rocker but every contraction made me want to rip off the monitors and throw them in the toilet. I wanted to be on all fours or in the tub or anywhere but that damn chair. Micha asked Kerri how dilated I was and she said about 5 or 6 and my contractions where about 2 minutes apart. The phlebotomist came to take my blood and asked me about my name. I didn't answer. I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to listen to my relaxation meditation on my phone, which rang in the middle of a contraction. It was my best friend. I told Micha to deal with her. I was getting overwhelmed again and couldn't get on top of my contractions. I felt out of control. I was having these little contractions between contractions, making it impossible to get caught up. When Micha said I might not need the epidural after all, I said I wanted it. Kerri started IV fluids and my Mom arrived shortly after.

Once I had the epidural, I had to stay in bed. I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's with no sound, and chatted with my Mom and Micha. It took quite awhile for Charlie to get himself in just the right spot which actually turned out to be good because Dr. MacFarlane was with another patient (maybe an emergency?) He did come in to check me and when he did my water broke. It was still quite some time before it was time to start pushing. Kerri helped me get Charlie down most of the way and then called Dr MacFarlane...and got his voice mail! I could tell Micha was starting to get nervous but Mom and I stayed calm and it wasn't long and the Doctor arrived. I honestly don't remember his presence there, just the sound of my mother's voice encouraging me to either push or breath and the song on my iPhone (I'd left one of my ear buds in). Charlie arrived to "I Can't Help Falling in Love" as sung by Micheal Buble, which I think is totally appropriate. Then I heard her say she could see his head so I reached down to feel, no hair (and I had all that heartburn!) I probably only pushed for half an hour. Time does something funny when you are in labor. It either stands still or it flies by. It seemed like my Mom got to the hospital amazingly quickly while it seemed like Micha was gone for ever. Pushing seemed to take just a few moments. I hadn't had enough of the epidural to make me completely numb. I still felt my contractions and I still felt Charlie moving through me, it just didn't register as pain, just a sensation. I could see his head and I knew it wasn't the right color but I just kept focusing on what my Mom was saying and then he was out. He was blue from the umbilical cord being wrapped around him but they put him on my abdomen and started rubbing him with a towel. He looked surprised and then he let out a cry. After a couple minutes I heard the nurse say "I like that color much better." Charlie had 'pinked' up and looked perfect. I looked up at Micha and he was fighting back tears (my Mom and sister had a bet over whether or not he would cry). I watched while they clamped the cord and showed Micha what to do. Dr. MacFarlane stitched me up, told us we did great and congratulated us and left. The nurses went shortly after that and then it was just us for a little while. I'm sure there was other stuff going on in the world at 5:02 pm on October 5th but I wouldn't have known it.

Week 27- In the Weeds

I don't know if 'in the weeds' is a phrase used elsewhere but as a former waitress, it means being overwhelmed. Too many tables, too close together and not enough time to stop and figure out what the hell is going on. Just run your ass off and hope for the best. If pregnancy had weeds, I'd be in them or at least that's how I feel.

In addition to feeling like I need to do a ton in order to be ready for the baby, who's ETA is in about 2 1/2 months, I'm not sure how to prepare for the actual arrival. I really, really want a natural labor and delivery this time but I'm totally afraid it's going to hurt like hell. I've never even had so much as a broken bone or even a minor surgery. Ok, it's going to hurt and I just have to come to terms with that so how do I get through it? There's a virtual ton of information about how to ease labor. Drinking rasberry leaf tea, chiropractic care, classes, Kegels, exercises designed to help 'open' the pelvic floor, meditation, hypnosis and on and on and on. Which books should I read? Does any of this stuff really work?!? There's probably a marketing genius in Malibu driving a Maserati GranTurismo S paid for by millions of terrified women like me spending a small fortune on these methods.

On a completely different note, I waddle. Not because I'm very big mind you, but because my hip joints are so stiff it hurts to walk. Oh and to the cranky refridgerator repair man who came to my house complaining about how hot and tired he was, STFU! Like I don't know how hot it is, I'm the one with out ice, dude! I guess I could use the butternut squash that froze in my crisper to cool my drink. Jerk!

I've had an epiphany!

So, as I've already noted, I'm want to have a natural child birth with Mr. E, but I'm slightly terrified. I've been concentrating in my yoga class on my breathing as a relaxation technique and thinking about what music to put on the Birthday playlist. I've been listening to the various types of music on my iPhone and making mental note of which songs are soothing and relaxing. Last night, I was leaving yoga at my local gym (which means walking through the main part of the gym) and what was playing on the overhead speakers? 'Push It' by Salt-N-Pepper. If you don't know this song, you possibly grew up in the wrong decade. I immediately went home to tell Micha. 'Honey,' I said 'I've had an epiphany!' I told him that I wanted 'Push It' by Salt-N-Pepper to be the first song on my playlist for the big day. I told him it would be motivational. I think it might have been the first conversation we've had about the Birthday that he didn't look like he might be ill or about to have a nervous breakdown. He actually laughed! We both have such inappropriate senses of humor and why should we change just because we're in a hospital?!

I'm scared....

...of spiders and being on a ladder and of giving birth naturally. When I was pregnant with Mumbles, I was focused on how I was going to raise her, rather than the how of her actually getting here. I took a one day crash course in labor and delivery and when the big day came, I did what I was told and I didn't ask any questions. They broke my water, gave me pitocin, gave me an epi, a little more pitocin, two pushes and viola, I had a baby. I also had a headache for days after delivery. I didn't know until recently that the headache was most likely caused by the epi. I thought it was the Tylenol 3 they gave me, so I stopped taking it. I also had no idea that I could've easily been on the snowballs path to an 'unnecesarean', which I absolutely don't ever want, ever. When I told my Mom Mumbles' birth story, she said she hadn't had an epi with any of us. Really? Not even with my sister and I who were both breach? Nope, and I could tell by the look on her face and the way she said it that I had missed something. I don't regret it. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I needed the hospital staff to take charge and tell me what to do. I don't know that I would've made different choices had I known what I know now. Mumbles was 'sunnyside up' and I was having trouble relaxing between my contractions. Still, I wonder what might have been different about her birth story had I gone au naturale.
I have decided this time, knowing what I know now, that I want to try and have as natural a childbirth as I can. I'm still going to deliver in a hospital because I think that is where Micha and I will feel most comfortable. I am, however, terrified that its going to hurt like hell. Micha is scared too. I know lots of women who aren't much different than me have done it. I know they were all probably scared at some point too. Still I worry that if my labor is long, or if it hurts too much, I won't be able to push and things will go bad. I'm not unsually one who is so full of self-doubt, I mean I bet if I had to and I didn't think about for too long, I could jump out of a plane (not that I want to, I'm just saying), but this shit is scary!